Had a strong coffee, this is the only source of caffeine that I'm going to do for today. Can feel the anxiety kicking in from it because of the hangover from yesterday.
To be cynical you sound like the smartest person in the room. Because you're right 99% of the time.
The flip side of this is that the reason that we are here is because we're the product of enumerable battles across time and space that have been won from the optimists (the people that try).
By definition everything good in life has only ever come from people that believe in some better future as that's the only reason that you would ever create anything.
Went to therapy. Didn't connect well with the therapist this session. Overall it was ACT stuff which I need to read through and get right in my head
Went on my phone, reddit and youtube a lot. Old coping mechanism even though I didn't even enjoy it at the time when I was using those.
Had a nap; 20 minutes of just closing my eyes.
Went to the gym. Was a good session.
Afterwards had a huge amount of icecream. Like two bowls. This wasn't good because I'm trying to maintain weight. My diet is all over the place. From today I'm going to go on a 9000kJ cut for 4 weeks.
I forgive myself for the above as when your energy is low and you're hungover you are not thinking straight.
There's always some resistance in myself that's trying to make me do less. I experienced this at the gym today when you think that you should skip an exercise. "What's the point" it thinks. At that stage the only point of the exercise becomes to show that voice that it's invalid. Any effort is worthwhile; even to the extent to show that you can apply effort.
That voice often talks to me when doing on a bunch of activities. You really just have to ignore it and move on.
Did 30 minutes of Leetcode and German! This is actually a step forwards
Apparently above is maladaptive avoidance (apparently that's what the above is called).