Woke up late again. Was really resistant to my cold shower but did it any ways (4mins)
I've been completely slamming caffeine recently. Two really strong cups
Working through splitting up the big PR this morning.
Honestly just talked to my manager about how things are going for me at the company and the work. I know that this is usually a mistake; ie: never tell anyone anything is amiss.
However I'm happy I reached out. It gave me a lot of perspective. The company isn't in a good state and this guy is the "code first people later" type. He said that he's gotten this non-communicative type of feedback before and it's never made a difference. With where the company is at he's not going to rock the boat by telling this to him again. Slightly frustrating. He said this is just a type of person that you're going to have to work with in your career.
My complaints were somewhat validated through this interaction. I was told just to do what I can
Honestly I just have to focus on what I can control. This is completely outside of my realm of control. I can just get the work done.
I have to be more stoic about this shit basically; your life by definition is frustration if you are constantly basing your happiness on things that are outside of your control.
Song of the day: https://open.spotify.com/track/5ljMlD10En5rRGZU0cs2Np?si=948a1dd3ee634449
Went for a run. Went as hard as possible on the steps. Like for my life. Ended up running for like 20 minutes up and down steps at a very high heart rate. Watch recorded 200BPM at the end of the set which definitely wasn't safe. Struggled to bring my heart rate down for a really really long time. I thought I was going to die. Just kinda stood on the footpath for like 10 minutes trying to bring it down thinking I was having a heart attack. At some point tried to walk which made me panic as it was bringing my heart rate back up. Had a panic attack which was brought it up as well. I know it's fucked when I break out into hives on my legs and stuff. Ended up getting it down enough where I could walk the rest of the way home and felt normal after that.
Never going that hard again lmao. Good to know my limit.
10 minutes German. This would probably all be more optimal if I was not doing this at 10pm at night. I'm actually enjoying learning this but doing stuff this late is limiting me substantially. So need to change in this aspect.